I was the change.

“Why me?” I wondered. “But why?” I couldn’t identify myself. My part in the magnitude was uncertain. I was philosophizing again. I had retreated to my abode, my favorite place in the entire house, away from the muddle of the world, yet so close- a large window by my bed that opens to the flurry of human race. Children screaming through their mirth “Catch me! I’m here!” and moms running at their heels “Hey! Watch it! You are going to fall and break all your teeth! You want to go to the doctor again and get an injection?” The vehicles jamming an otherwise peaceful vicinity, the temple bells going off at regular intervals, the stray running about in search for their scraps…

That question tag had been plaguing me ceaselessly. A diminutive introspection and my conscience screamed “You are a teenager baby!” Of course, I was. A young adult.
I often consoled myself; at least, my hormones weren’t firing like assault rifles periodically. These past years my self – esteem and self – image had purely been based on what I looked like and what I owned. I had a little heart but a bout of emotions.

The idiom “A roller-coaster ride” was pertinently coined for my situation, I thought. Convoluted emotions, fiddly situations, universities and assignments, problems that I thought I could take care of but still failed at, paltry issues that made me a drama queen, love and other disasters. Well. Whoa.

The situations were getting trickier by the day, most requiring the head and not the heart to be involved. More established. More adult like. “But how do I go about it?” Another question tag that needed answering.

I had acknowledged the verity that all my fellow beings, wedged in about the same age bracket, were all sailing in a much alike boat. My ‘happy realization day’ had come a long time ago, and that fact had stayed someplace at the back of my head. But somehow, I wouldn’t want to believe that it was the truth. I had always felt that my problems were much more magnified than that of the other adolescent earthlings.

Characterized by an uncontrollable flood of emotion and the conviction that I was always right and that my parents had lost their minds, I had decided to take my life in my hands. Dim quotes that screamed “My life, my rules. Any problem?” “I just LOOK like I care, but I don’t.” And such others had begun to appeal to me. Swearing was thought to be cool. Addictions were normal. Funkiness was applauded. Loud, deafening music and skipping the traffic lights gave adrenaline rushes. Cravings for a DBC in the middle of the night were customary. Boyfriends were a social necessity. Being nocturnal was familiar. Messaging in classes, warming the benches, discussing the latest fads and relationship issues – All this is life. Or at least, that’s what I thought, until a few days ago.

Nothing happened to change it all. But it’s just that I begun thinking. Something that I hadn’t really thought of before. I was past T-shirt quotes and silliness. I hadn’t realized that my parents must have had the same amounts of fun, if not more and in the same way. Profanities were not so cool anymore, but at least now, it happens by chance and not by choice. Unfussiness was appreciated. Classics appealed. Skipping traffic signals brings me to the threshold of notices and fines. Just thinking. DBC? Oh! I still love it. Just that, I can’t finish it. I have a lot of friends who happen to belong to the male species – nothing wrong. No taboo. I still love the obscurity, being nocturnal. I just don’t SMS under the blanket anymore.
Classes, lectures and all of that? There’s a simple logic. Your attention and attendance is directly proportional to your grades or marks. Gossip is useless. To sum it up, ‘responsibility’ is the word. Being a kid, throwing silly tantrums and teenage depression was a thing of the past.

At least now, I’m who I am. And I know it too. Moving away from THE life to adulthood. Simple, yet so complicated. Lesson learnt: Everything will be.



- Sneha